Tuesday, November 2, 2010

ON SPORTS ~ I Hate Being Hated, Even In Fantasies...

Image courtesy Deemonita via Flikr

This is not really a sports post, but rather, a personality post. One to examine my behavior and that internal battle that wages within all of us regarding accusations, beliefs and perception. It just so happens to stem from a sports related instance and I don't have another tag to file it under. So there you go. Please read on to help me through my thoughts here.

I had a very confrontational encounter this week with a member of our online Fantasy Baseball League - a league that has since dissolved due to this public spat. I have already told the tale of my inaugural victory this year in that league which came with a payoff to the winner. The problem was that the Commissioner of this league did not provide his payment. He came in second. To a girl. A girl whose follow-up messages for payment were ignored. So I did what I knew would create a response. I went public.

After a month, I sent a broadcast message to the league to let them know that the person in charge had not provided his portion of the pot like they all had. Well. It worked. He paid up. At a cost.

I got paid. But I also got a very nasty, personal attack via e-mail from the Commish accusing me of cheating, lying and being a nag (to phrase things politely here). Which I then responded to and forwarded back to all the other managers in the league. This exposure led to a gradual resignation from the league by everyone - it appears they too were fed up with the Commissioner's bullying and abrasive tactics that had reared their ugly head at other moments throughout the season.

The accusations went on and on all afternoon. I was continually attacked and my words were misrepresented. I countered back with a strong defense of and response to each one. Even when it became evident that I had the backing of 9 other people, a 9-1 verdict, I couldn't just sit back and take it. I couldn't stand to have lies put out there - even though no one else believed them. I spent a lot of energy trying to convince a crazy person to believe my truth.

Crazy people can't believe anyone else's truth. To try to convince them is an effort in futility. My continued defense served no purpose other than to clog up all the other parties' e-mail in-box and fuel further anger within the person I was trying to prove my point to.

So why was it so hard to stop? Why couldn't I turn the other cheek? Why couldn't I just take it, knowing everyone else was laughing at the falsehoods spewed by him? Pride. That's why. I take pride in who I am. I like people to know that I disagree with the same immoral issues they do. That I'm the good guy.

Gah - it takes more restraint than I will ever have to buck up and keep it zipped in moments of adversity. To know when the instinct you have could cause harm further down the road if expressed immediately.

I do not have regrets for the silly spat that I took part in this week. Because I know that I was right. I was dealing with a crazy person after all. But I hate that I couldn't let it go. To not take it personally. To find a way to place my energy elsewhere. Because I am stubborn. I am outspoken. I am not always right. But I am never untruthful. And I can't help but react when that is attacked. God help me if I am ever accused of an untruth in the serious aspects of our world.


Matty said...

I remember your post about earning the top spot, and once again, congratulations to a well deserved victory. Although I don't participate in a fantasy league, I know many who do. And I know the research and work that goes into it.

I believe that you can't win an argument with an idiot, but in this case you were right to challenge him on his refusal to pay up. Everyone knew the rules at the beginning, and in the end, he was required to ante up like everyone else. He should have paid. Once your requests in private were ignored, you had no other option but to publicly call him on it. Whether it's an issue of male pride in losing to a woman, or pride in general for just losing, makes no matter. He knew the rules. He has no one else to blame but himself.

It's a shame that the league dissolved over it, but you still get the satisfaction of knowing you were top dog.

Beth F said...

It's so hard not to stand up for oneself -- In fact, I believe in standing up for oneself . . . finding that right moment to let it go is tough.

Lisa said...

Well, here's the deal. I'm seeing my daughter so much in what you have done. She will never back down from an attack either. And looking at what that will mean when she's an adult, I gotta say that I will be proud of her. Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself. Although you are right, crazy people will never get it.

Kathleen said...

I am stubborn. I am outspoken. I am not always right. But I am never untruthful. That description is me to a T so I can understand why you fought back. Good for you for standing up for truth and further highlighting what an idiot that guy is.

jehara said...

Standing up for oneself is never wrong. So many people let things go on because they are afraid to assert themselves. It seems to me that the people in your league were relieved to have someone stand up to the commish.

I'm sorry your league dissolved but perhaps you can start a new one without him?

I feel you on the untruth part. To have your integrity and honor questioned or challenged is hurtful, frustrating, and it definitely feels like a personal attack. But you know those nine other people know those things are not true. It is nearly impossible to get someone that is intent on their own viewpoint to see a different one, which is extremely frustrating, I know.

Penny said...

Wow..thats crazy. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. :(
I am the same way though. I am very prideful about me and have a hard time letting things go. I am glad you got your point across and people knew the truth of the situation.

stacybuckeye said...

You'll never be able to convince crazy of anything. Something I have to remind myself every election cycle!

jewelknits said...

Although it is hard not to defend yourself when you know you are right .. take it from one whose mouth has gotten them in trouble often ...

Never argue with a fool; bystanders won't be able to tell the difference!

I know .. I know ... biting one's tongue is sometimes hard to do. Defend once; know you're right .. move on. Otherwise that person has just taken away more time than they deserve. AND it doesn't do any good anyway .. it's not as though you're going to convince THEM of anything; why waste your words and time when they can be put to so much better use?

Your time is worth so much more than that :)

Again, this is coming from someone who finds it extremely difficult to not counter someone who is being exceedingly stupid, ignorant, or is just a plain blunderbuss.

Julie @ Knitting and Sundries