Friday, February 6, 2009

ON FUN ~ Stairmaster Man...


When I was a little girl my shoelace got stuck in the escalator as we reached the top and were attempting to get off. I’m not sure you can appreciate just how terrifying it is to think that the magic staircase has decided to keep you around for a while longer by sucking you in by your shoe in order to gobble up your leg and beyond.

Thankfully my cousin was “quick on her feet” and yanked me out of my shoe to remove me from the horror. In order for the maintenance guy to cut my shoelace free and return my shoe he had to shut down the escalator, resulting in a bunch of pissed off people who had to climb the rest of the way up. I wonder if that’s where they got the idea for the Stairmaster?

The rotating stairs of the Stairmaster in our gym always give me flashbacks to the escalator incident and so I avoid it like the plague. It has nothing to do with the fact that it seems like an awful lot of work, I swear.

Even if I wanted to overcome my fears and master the Stairmaster I would have to wait my turn because Stairmaster Man is always on that beast. Once he gets on it he just keeps climbing and climbing. I don’t think anyone told him that those stairs don’t actually go anywhere.

Stairmaster Man also sweats more profusely than any other human being on Earth. Because of this, the Stairmaster gets a little slippery. It also stinks to high heaven when you walk anywhere near it.

You see, in addition to not knowing that the Stairmaster doesn’t really have a destination, Stairmaster Man also apparently does not know where the paper towels and cleaning solution squirt bottles are located. After working out on that thing for hours at a time, he climbs down, wipes his brow, and moseys on into the locker room.

Icckkk! I did have to laugh once though when someone came along after him to use the machine and looked up for the leak in the ceiling that surely must have caused all that water puddled up on everything. Thankfully they moved along to something else instead.

Maybe it is his way of ensuring the Stairmaster will always be available to him. Just like placing a wad of gum on the seat cushion in front of you ensures a clear view of the movie. Disgusting but effective.

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Anonymous said...

OMG! Hahahaha. Sometimes words simply paint too vivid a picture!
First I was remembering my childhood fear of escalators, then... *shudder (wasn't there an episode of Jerry Seinfield about this?)
Thorni loves The Bumbles!

Anonymous said...

This is becoming one of my favorite weekly places. I never thought of the gym as great people watching but you are taking it to an art form. Keep going.

Sandy Nawrot said...

Well, now you have TWO phobias to deal with, and I don't know which is more afflicting. Fear of being sucked in, or fear of slipping and falling and rolling around in the stinky ooze. Talk about making you want to toss your cookies!

Jo-Jo said...

That is funny...well I can see why you have the fear, but it reminds me of when I was a little girl at a department store with my grandparents. Grandpa had the rubber boots on that slip over your shoes because it was raining. When we went up the escalator, it sucked his one rubber boot off. So Grandma would always bring up the story when grandpa lost his rubber! lol lol